Sail Away With Me, Honey...

It's Thursday night, and I don't quite have the strength to post an all-inclusive blog about my insanely crazy week. Not yet anyways. But I'm sure the strength will come with time.

But I do want to briefly write about Nostalgia. And the power that lies within the sights, smells, and sounds of our memory. The images that can take us back to a place we yearn for. The mental images that can be more powerful than any photograph or video can do justice.

Out of nowhere this week, a song popped in my head. I do consider it one of my all-time favorites, no matter what new music enters my Life. I do have it on my mega-list-of-songs on my iPod. But I hadn't heard it in quite some time. Until tonight.

I had thought about it multiple times this week, but I just hadn't taken the time to play it. To listen to it. To remember the power it holds for me.

But I asked myself: Why did the song pop in my head this week?

And now I know. After the week that it's been, I now know that my subconscious was trying to take my back to a happier place.

A place that will always mean more to me than any other physical place on this planet. A place where I have the most positive memories in my life. And most importantly, a place where I met the Love of my Life.

The Beach is that place for me. The Coast. The Ocean. The Shoreline. Heaven on Earth.

My mind takes me there more than any other place. Too bad my mind can't rack up frequent flyer miles.

I've spent many years-- many springs, many summers, and even Chrstimas at the Beach. I could sit here and fill this blog with many images-- many pictures-- of my favorite beach memories. But what I want to focus on is how powerful one's mind can be, especially in a time of stress.

And this week, my mind did exactly that when it was thinking of this song. It did exactly that to bring me closer to Drew.

And I must admit that Drew believes in more things than I do. He has more dreams and more goals than I do. I, sometimes, limit myself too much with reality.

And now in his absence, I'm starting to realize how powerful his thoughts and beliefs are. How I need his positive thinking-- his dreams-- when I'm struggling through Life.

And this week... his Dream entered my subconscious with this song. And if you know him well enough, you know his Dream:

He would love to get a sailboat...live a meager, yet satisfying, life, and sail those waters that mean so much to both of us. And even though I'm crying as I type this, I'm laughing too. Because again... if you know him well enough, you've heard his sales pitch: "I'll fish; you (Linda) can cook potatoes. Riley (our dog) would love the boat... and so would our babies." And then, if you were in that taxi cab with us on the way to the Atlanta Braves game a few years ago, you would have shared our laughter when a wee-bit-intoxicated-Drew claimed he wanted to live "under the sea." Just like SpongeBob. :)

So there you have it, my friends. Nostalgia is a powerful thing. Find your happy place... and go there.

  

Sunday Share: 4/15/12

It's been exactly 112 days since the last time I've seen my family. In all of my (soon to be) 29 years of living, that's the longest I've ever gone without blessing my family with my presence.

And I miss them. I miss "home." Even though I'm approaching 2 years living at Fort Bragg, it's taken me a while for me this realize that home really is where the heart is. And I guess, after much denial, I've realized... I'm home.

I spent a lot of today reflecting... as I always do on Sundays. And my theme for tonight's Sunday Share fell into place without having to look very far. After this week's series of events, I'm starting to realize something else more and more. And I've always known it-- I just haven't had to quite utilize it, (and REALLY appreciate it), until this week:

Friends are relatives you make for yourself. ~ Eustaches Deschamps

So, despite my absence from my blood family these last few months, I've never felt more loved. More complete. More part of a Family.

And I have some proof-- some evidence-- of how amazing these people really are.

Upon awaking from my much needed nap this afternoon, I found that I had not one. Not two. But three text messages from three friends. All supportive, encouraging, and full of love.

I found this one too good not to share:

11:13am
I am sitting on my back deck reflecting, and I just wanted you to know that I think you are an absolute beautiful person both in and out! I hope you have a wonderful day!

Amazing. And I wondered what I could have possibly done to deserve such loving words.


Then, a few hours later, I turned to Facebook and saw two more amazing items that a friend posted:

Here is an incredible photo taken from my army wife friend's husband's platoon. One of their platoon's soldiers was severely injured and yesterday was his 25th birthday. Last night I got to hang out with some of these amazing ladies, toast to our heroes, and recreate our own supportive photo, and really feel lucky enough to share what being Army strong is all about.

Now, how powerful is that!?

And, the same friend, references the very same thoughts in her blog. And she finishes it up with the perfect catch phrase: "There's strong, and then there's Army Strong. This is what ArmyStrong is all about."

These are just a few examples of how powerful, rewarding, supportive, compassionate, caring, loving, and amazingly awesome my friends family is.

And that, my friends, is what I want to briefly talk to you about this evening.

We are all human beings. We all crave love and affection. And in the absence of our blood family, I think having a support system of friends-- true friends-- is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves.

So, not matter who you are-- military or not-- works towards this. Find your home... no matter where you live physically. Make sure you surround yourself with friends that will build you up and support you, no matter how weak of a foundation you have. Start small. One person can make the difference in your life. And remember: Family isn't just about blood and shared chromosomes-- it's bigger, wider, deeper than that.


And lastly, I want to share our Family Photo from yesterday. I know I usually don't post pictures on my blog, but when you have an amazing family like I do... it's hard not to "Bragg."

Slow Ride... Take It Easy...

Today is Friday, the 13th.
And today is also one of the first days that I've had Writer's Blogger's Block. Don't get me wrong-- my mind has been FILLED with thoughts, emotions, ideas, advice, quotes, and lessons. But nothing felt quite write right to share. Until tonight.

As much of a nutcase that I can be on some days, (I'm sure Stacy, Tori, Crystal, and many others would agree to this statement), I'm actually quite the rational person. And when it comes to my blog, I want it to feel right before I put pen to paper-- or, finger to keyboard.

I could have blogged about how nervous I was on Tuesday. It had been quite a few days since I had heard from Drew, and I just knew something didn't feel right.

I could have blogged about how I was up most of the early hours of Wednesday, after finding out about an unfortunate series of events that left 3 of Drew's platoon mates, (Ryan Theriot, Brandon Fessey, and Travis Mills), seriously injured-- with Travis suffering the worst of the injuries and losing all of his limbs from stepping on an IED in Afghanistan.

I could have blogged about how I spent all of Wednesday, home from work, trying to reason and understand and accept how something so horrid could happen to someone I know. And how my heart ached beyond belief for his wife, his 4 month old baby, their families... and our other soldiers who were there.

I could have blogged about how I went back to work on Thursday, still heavily distracted, depressed, and worried for all those involved. Or I could have mentioned that, despite the circumstances, we do not and will not have control over such situations, and we must push through the obstacles and stay strong for our soldiers and for those that need our support.

But I do need to take a moment to thank and recognize my friends and family, colleagues, and support system-- for their love and compassion. Because, although we may never truly understand how it feels to be those families of Ryan, Brandon, and Travis, we do mourn and empathize with them. Wholeheartedly.

So, that brings us to today: Friday the 13th.

I was damned determined to make it a good day. Yes, I find myself superstitious at times, but I was going to make conscious effort to ensure my day was happy, worry-free, and as normal as possible. And it was today, when my mind slowed down a bit, and I finally realized after the most-mega-rollercoaster-ride of a week... what I would blog about.

But before we get started, let's talk about Fayetteville.

Ahhhh, lovely Fayetteville, NC. You gotta love it. Award winning All-American City. It's close to the beach; it's close to the city; it's close to the mountains. It's home to the largest Army Installation in the world-- Fort Bragg.

It's also home to me, Linda Mills, the most annoyed Fayettevillian (I have no idea if that is even a word). And I am the most annoyed person in town thanks to the potpourri of citizens that call Fayetteville home. And with their lovely presence comes their lovely driving skills. Or lack thereof.

Every day, I drive down All American Expressway and Cliffdale Road on my way to work. Yes, I'm usually running a few minutes late. Yes, I like to get to where I'm going and wouldn't consider myself a slow driver... but holy moly!, I've never experienced such bad, FAST drivers in my life.

And it blows my mind. These people want to drive 80 in a 45 and rush to the next red light less than a quarter mile away. That's even if they can SEE that the light is red. And if they do, it doesn't matter to them. It's green in their world...

So after me really wanting to survive Friday the 13th, I slowed down more than I usually do and started my thinking...

 People really need to slow down... not just on the roads, but in Life in general.

Everyone's in such a rush to get through the day, and they seem to move through Life only with their agenda on mind. We're rather selfish creatures if you ask me.

And it's not until after a loss, a tragedy, or a life-changing event that people really realize how grateful they truly should be or realize how wonderful something or someone was until it's too late.

And, lately for me, I feel like an outsider looking in. I try to appreciate everyone and everything in my life during this deployment. And as high strung, Type A, nutso that I am... I really have been trying to make a conscious effort to slow down.

So, now I'd like to share a story about part of my day today:

I was coming back into Fayetteville after taking a trip out to Raeford for some work obligations. After surviving the journey on the autobahn I like to call the "401 Bypass to Hell," I stopped in Wal-Mart over my lunch break. While browsing the greeting card section to find some cards of encouragement to send to those above-mentioned families, I looked up and was extremely startled by a gentleman that approached me.

He was an older man. With very inquisitive eyes. He was standing a little too close for my comfort. My first and only instinct was "Fight of Flight?!" I immediately chose Flight, of course, but was stopped in my tracks for some strange reason. We stared at each other for what felt like a lifetime.

I really don't know what motivated me to actually slow down, stop, and appease this gentleman. I feel like the "old" Linda would have brushed him off and ran down the next conveniently located greeting card aisle. But I didn't. I let myself process his presence, despite what felt to be an awkward eternity.

I never caught his name, but he basically wanted me to help him choose the "right" cards for many occasions: His wife's best friend's birthday, which was belated (April 1); his anniversary; Mother's Day; and the death of a cousin.

His wife had just had cancer removed for the 2nd time. She missed her best friend's birthday. She insisted that her husband NOT pick out a belated birthday card because that "just wasn't right." She wanted him to pick out a card about friendship. Then he wanted to pick out a perfect card for his wife for their anniversary and for Mother's day. At this time, he proceeded to tell me his life story about how he and his wife met:

They were in 9th grade. Friends which later developed into more. Upon graduation from high school, he joined the Navy and they went their separate ways. She married a man, a Colonel, who was abusive. I don't know if they divorced or he died, but my new friend and his long-lost love were reunited at their 35th High School Reunion in South Carolina. He exclaimed that it took him 4 more years of talking every day on the phone for him to convince her to marry him.

Now they're married. And she's apologizing for the Cancer. He shook his head at the thought of her ridiculousness.  

I spent upwards of 15 minutes with this gentleman. And at the end of the conversation, his attention turned to me for the 1st time. We started talking about the reason I was there. And what cards I was buying. I gave him a one-sentence run down of what happened.

He bowed down a bit... and thanked me.

He disclosed that he felt I had one of the hardest jobs in the world. He said that he went to Vietnam twice, and it was no concern to him until his little brother went. He said, "when we're over there, us guys know that we just need to get our butts back home. But it's you wives that have to worry about us and everyone else."

We talked for a few more minutes about the military and how proud we both are.

And now I know why I didn't use my "flight" instinct. I knew God presented him to me for a reason. He wanted me to slow down and listen to this man's story-- a story that would uplift me and make me feel gracious. And to remind me of what I had been saying all week to many others-- about the roles the families play; about the War the the families fight back home. My life; my week-- was coming full circle. 

And to wrap up my Friday the 13th, I had the honor and privilege to speak with Tom Sileo, with The Unknown Soldiers. I got to tell my story; Drew's story; our story. I got to represent the One Percent in the most wonderful of ways. Tom plans to use my words-- my experiences-- my opinions and emotions-- my passion and pride of the U.S. Army-- and share them with the rest of the world in his nationally syndicated newspaper column.

Now, how cool is that?!

So, I allowed myself a lot of time tonight to digest this week's events-- good and bad. And it hit me...

...And it's rather simple:

Slow down. Enjoy Life. Appreciate Life. And, as we say in the South: Be Blessed.

Sunday Share: 4/8/12

Happy Easter Sunday, Everyone!

I've had yet another reflective, mind-stimulating Sunday. I've started to notice a trend:

Sundays seem to be the day I miss Drew the most. I'm not sure if it's just the normal "Sunday Blues" amplified or the fact that I find myself lost in my Solitude-- being more reflective on Sundays.

Well, whatever the reason, I've come to find out that the metaphor of "Life is a rollercoaster ride" seems to prove true all week, with the grand finale taking place on Sundays.

So let's start at the beginning, in order to give the best insight of how and why I'm here tonight:

I woke up late today, thanks to some night-time cold medicine. I was groggy, hazy, and rather congested... which aggravated me. My very first, instinctual action every morning is to look at my phone to see if Drew has e-mailed/Facebooked/or called while I was sleeping.

My phone showed nothing. Not even the daily Groupon email. (My half off hydro-massage offer came just a few moments later, though.)

Anyways, after a quick check of my daily websites and a browse of my Facebook newsfeed, (which lacked any "activity" from all our Soldiers), I came to my conclusion, which is only a "hunch," but has deemed to be true most days:

Damn it. They're on another Blackout.

Those in the Ninety-Nine Percent might be wondering: What is a Blackout?

Well, a Blackout is when the Soldiers aren't allowed to communicate with anyone. No emails. No phone calls. No Facebook. It means someone has been injured or killed and communication is banned until the Next of Kin is notified of those affected.

And this deployment has already been a nightmare. It feels like we go only a few days before another Blackout is activated. And while Drew and I have a very, VERY strict "Don't Ask; Don't Tell" relationship about deployments, I'm not dumb. I'm observant and can figure it out. They're seeing a lot of action. They're involved in a lot of dangerous missions. It definitely ain't a walk in the park.

And I'm not divulging this information to have people worry. Or feel sorry for me. I'm just trying to set-up tonight's theme for the Sunday Share. So, without further ado....

What is your Fear?

And how do you overcome it?

But you know me, I must provide a little more back story before diving in any deeper. Of how and why I came to theme tonight's post about Fear. And how to overcome it.

So, as we've already stated: It's Easter. A holiday in which we spend with friends and family. I definitely had my fair share of Solitude this weekend. I didn't even leave Fort Bragg. I didn't interact with anyone in person except for at the gym or in the grocery store. Major Solitude. Hell, who am I kidding. I was down right lonely this weekend. But I did everything possible to keep myself busy: Cooked, shopped, worked out, cleaned, read many books, watched many TV shows and/or movies.

And as much as I enjoy my solitude, (See last week's Sunday Share), sometimes too much is a bad thing. Sometimes so much alone time can cause you to thrive on your Fears.

And since my blog is supposed to be cathartic for me, I'm going to share with you what my Fear is. But I warn you that you may laugh:

I fear the doorbell.

Yup. I fear the doorbell getting rung.

But why, you may ask? Because the doorbell being rung might indicate that my husband has gotten killed in Afghanistan. If the doorbell rings, there's a chance that a Casualty Notification Officer stand on the other side... waiting to bear the bad news.

I know, depressing right? I'm not even sure I should tell you that I jump anytime I hear a car door shut nearby. That I run to the bedroom window or look out the peep hole if I think someone has pulled up near my house. My mind has convinced me that if, God forbid, that were to be the case, and a Casualty Notification Officer does come to my house, that by me seeing them walk up to the door, will be less devastating than hearing the doorbell ring without any prior knowledge.  (Please, don't judge me!)

And my doorbell got rung yesterday. And I nearly lost my heart through the ends of my toes. I wasn't expecting anyone. I don't know my neighbors. I didn't order pizza. So who is ringing my doorbell?

I literally RAN to the door because I couldn't bear the anticipation for another millisecond.

Thankfully, it was just my neighbor asking if I had any jumper cables. And while I was outside searching through my trunk for the cables, I was literally shaking. Arms. Hands. Knees. Legs. Shaking like it was below freezing out. I wonder if he noticed...

So there you have it. You know my current Fear. And honestly, it's the only Fear I have at this moment in my life. I Fear or worry about nothing else. I can handle a lot of adversity. I can overcome many obstacles. I consider myself a strong person... a strong Army Wife. But we all have our weaknesses...

... and I cannot get over my damn Fear of the doorbell.

Until tonight. Well, sorta.  

I had just come inside after relaxing for a few hours on the patio with a new book. I got some much needed sun. And although relaxing, I just couldn't seem to feel really good or right today. I really wanted to hear from Drew. He always recharges me and rebuilds my confidence.

So, I was thumbing through the guide on TV when I saw that on the OWN channel, Oprah had a Lifeclass on Fears, with Tony Robbins.

And, as usual, the right messages and lessons enter my Life just as I needed them. I decided to pull out my laptop and jot down some notes as I watched.

Everyone had their story. We all have our stories. We all have something we can't overcome. Whether it be a failure, a tragedy, or a fear. Tony Robbins helps people Walk on Fire-- literally and metaphorically. And I could sit here and type for hours, making this entry a lot longer than it already is. But I won't. I wanted to share just a few highlights that I thought would be beneficial for all:

• We all have a Story. We all have a State of Mind about that Story (i.e. Fear). But what a lot of us are missing is our Strategy. How do we plan to overcome it? What actions are we taking to change our State of Mind about our Story? Because, the Story will always be there. But we can all change our State of Mind to be a positive one.
• Fear is a physical emotion. But so is Courage. And so is Energy.
• Massive motion can overcome any (negative) emotion. Get moving. Literally. Physical movement can do a lot for your emotional well being.
• Everyone's life is a warning or an example. But you must live your life to overcome any adversity or fears. Learn from it. And move on.
• Turn your Fear into Power. It has the same intensity. It's just a matter of perception. And action.

It truly opened my eyes. I'm not naive enough to think that I won't have my Fears, but I recognized that there are methods and techniques to overcome them and turn them into positive energy.

And while I pride myself in staying busy and active, I know there's always something more I can add to my life. And I did find something new tonight that I plan to try. And do... Everyday. But I'm going to keep you guessing about what it is. I've already put myself out there enough tonight. And while my Fear isn't so personal anymore, I think my journey to overcome it should be. :)

I know this post has all kinds of back stories and ramblings, but I hope it helps each of you realize that it's OK (and natural) to be Fearful... but it's even better to be Powerful.

And lastly, I want to end with another great quote from Joel Osteen on this Sunday evening:

Trouble is inevitable, but misery is optional.

Oh, Starry Night...

I wasn't planning on blogging tonight as I haven't felt 100% the last few days. But a little pizza delivery and a lot of couch time has cured me for the time being.

I discovered that today is National Day of Hope, and I figured it was a blog must. Who doesn't love/want/need/feel "hope"?! But tonight, my post will be short. Sweet. And to the point. After all, if my brain were turned into a pie chart from the past 2 days, it would be 35% caffeine; 10% Sudaphed; 10% Claritin; and 45% Advil. Such substances aren't really conducive with creative blogging capabilities.

Anyways, let's get to the point:

The very first thing that came to my pie chart mind when pondering "What do I Hope for" took me back to the night of our "See Ya Later."

Drew and I were standing face to face, holding hands... outside in the dark night. Our last 60 seconds together. I guess the lights that stand outside the troop area created that perfect ambiance. (Not!) But whatever it was, Drew smiled and looked at me and said, "Your eyes look really pretty and sparkly right now."

And I said, "So do yours..."

So, you ask, "What do I hope for?"

I simply hope to see those sparkly eyes. And that smile. Again... Soon.  

“Hope itself is like a star- not to be seen in the sunshine of prosperity, and only to be discovered in the night of adversity. ” ― Charles H. Spurgeon



Sunday Share: 4/1/12

If you would have told me 5 years ago that I'd soon meet, fall in love with, and marry an Enlisted Soldier in the Army... I would have laughed in your face.

I've always been a planner. Very much Type A, as much as I'd like to pretend I'm somewhat Type B. And the above mentioned "plan" wasn't how I had my Life mapped out.

But as much as I'm a realist, I'm also superstitious. I believe in Fate. And I believe in Destiny. And now that my life has taken a different turn than I would have imagined, I can truly look back and confidently state the following:

I was put on this Earth to be an Army Wife.

And I actually got a lump in my throat and a few tears in my eyes as I typed that... because it couldn't be more true. And I couldn't be more proud.

A few hours ago, I started reading The Lucky One, by Nicholas Sparks. I figured it was a must read since the movie is coming out in a few weeks. Of course, I felt an immediate connection to the book, with its military ties, the love story, and the themes of Luck and Destiny. And now that I'm already 75% finished with it, I thought I'd take a break and blog my Sunday Share for the week.

And although I've already mentioned Destiny twice in my post, this week's theme isn't about that.

It's about Solitude.

And as much of a social butterfly that I am, I've always been a loner... too. I've never been afraid to be alone, and a lot of the times, I actually enjoy it and prefer it. I just realized that it's been nearly 12 hours since I've had any noise in my house. Besides catching the news headlines on the TV this morning, I haven't had my TV or any music on the whole day.

But to me, I'm never alone. As much as I miss Drew when I have downtime like this, I can always rely on the company of my pets. I can always count on my Dad calling me at some point on a Sunday afternoon. I know to expect text messages from my mom, my sisters, and multiple friends throughout the day. I can always expect an email or a Facebook update on my phone.

So I stay connected to the world no doubt, but there's something powerful about being alone. I love getting lost in my thoughts. I love hearing nothing right now except the clicking of my fingers on the keyboard. And naturally, it's always in my moments of Solitude when the light bulb goes off... and my Life inspires me to write. 

Very early this morning, I had no (conscious) knowledge of what I would write about today. With my cup of coffee in hand, I walked out the backyard and into the field that lies right behind our house. The dogs were leash-less as always, and as Riley chased squirrels and Maddie padded around the grass, I found myself with a huge smile on my face. I stopped walking and really took a moment to soak it all in. And I thought to myself, "why is this moment making me so happy?" And I soon realized it was because of the serenity and quietness of the moment. No one else was around; no cars; no kids; nothing. All I could hear were the birds in the distance.

And at the time, I didn't realize the connection. But now, when I reflect back, I realize my happiness existed in my Solitude.

And fast forward many hours, after spending an entire day in Solitude, and having a moment of weakness from missing Drew... I realized:

It's going to be OK. I was made for this.

I have no idea why I like to be alone. I was raised in a close-knit family, always surrounded by lots of loving people. I've had many great friends in my life.

So, the only logical(?) explanation is that:

Being an Army Wife was my Destiny.

Because not everyone is cut out for the task. Not everyone can handle the stress and the fact that you'll spend many years... alone.

But I can't leave this Sunday Share without the Share piece. I need to provide you with something on which to reflect.

So a simple Google search on "The Importance of Solitude" provided me with a rather spot-on article on Livestrong.com.  And while I invite you to read the whole article, I want to leave you with the importance difference of:

Solitude vs. Loneliness

"There is a world of difference between solitude and loneliness," says Hara Estroff Marano, editor in chief of Psychology Today magazine. Loneliness is marked by a sense of isolation and longing, and may be experienced even at a crowded disco. Solitude is aloneness without loneliness. Solitude can be used for reflection, inner growth or valuable activities such as reading that cannot be done effectively in a group setting. People who experience solitude are therefore engaged, not isolated--they are engaged with themselves, or perhaps with a long-dead author

Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/180331-importance-of-solitude/#ixzz1qppL08D6

So, finally... I encourage you to take at least an hour a week to experience Solitude. It may strengthen the relationships you have; it might ease stress; and it might make you feel better (or differently) about what lies ahead in this crazy game we call Life.