Take 2.

It's already been a few hours since the "see ya laters." I'm actually quite shocked at how strong and "together" I am at this time. I keep wondering why: Is it because it's not the 1st deployment I've been through? Is it because I'm "more wise" or "more mature" than I was in August 2009? Is it because I'm crazy? In denial?


I'll go with the more wise AND mature. :)


It's been exactly 18 months and 4 days since the last set of "see ya's." At that time, I knew no one. And nothing. And I also drove back to Georgia after a very long evening or "hurry up and wait."


Tonight was different. I knew people. I offered tissues to people. (Take note that I didn't need any.) I played with big guns. I shared laughs. We didn't drag it out. There is an unspoken understanding of what needs to be done:


Stay Safe. Get Home.


That's all.


My 8pm coffee and 10pm wine now have me wired. Thus, I decided to reflect back at my last blog, "An Army of One... Year." I remember that I wrote my first post, some 100 days after Drew's last deployment, reflecting on my first set of "see ya's."


Although lengthy, I thought I'd share since I have all the time in the world. I figured if you're reading this now, so do you:
___

I love to write. I've loved to write for as long as I can remember. When I was in 2nd grade, I got sent to my room, more than likely for "talking back." While enduring my punishment, I wrote a poem about "saving the trees" and showed it to my mom. Her response: "Oh, that's nice; which book did you copy that out of."

Shel Silverstein was my favorite.

I've always wanted to "write a blog." Only thing stopping me was.... substance. I didn't want to be one of those people to divulge in a blog that "I ate mac and cheese for lunch today" or "OH. EM. G., can you believe that about Tiger Woods?" That's what Facebook is for. ;-)

It wasn't until this afternoon that I decided I would explore the World of Blogging. (Do you know that "Blog" is short for "Web Log?") I happened to read an article about a woman that blogged about her husband who was injured during the War. He lost his legs, and after a short time, he lost his life. She used the blog to inform her family and friends of his status, good or bad. A few readers turned into a few thousand-- family for life. Although she lost her husband at the end of it all, she was able to document her pain, her fears..... her life.

Now don't take it the wrong way; I'm not writing this blog for anyone to necessarily read. I'd be happy if it served as my release, my escape. I believe writing is absolutely, positively, the best way to express everything and anything. Now if you choose to follow me, I can't promise daily reads; I can't promise things you care about or agree with, but I can promise that it will give you something to do for about 5 minutes. =)

Now you probably have an inkling of what I plan to write about-- by knowing me or by reading my Blog's Title: "Army of One.... Year."

So, this is where the substance kicks in.

When I met my boyfriend, Drew, at a bar (out of all places!) in Panama City, FL on May 23, 2008, I would have never, EVER imagined that I'd be sitting here today as: 1) His girlfriend; 2) An ARMY girlfriend for that matter; 3) Enduring (as best as I can) a deployment to war-ridden Afghanistan.

Today isn't Day 1; if it were, I could write about how, 135 days later, I still get that lump in my throat when I remember hugging him one last time on August 21, 2009. How I remember, after waiting 6 hours for him to leave, I travelled back to the hotel room that he once occupied, and I could still smell him on the pillow. And, at that point, I've never felt so alone in my life.

But I wouldn't change it for the world.

Now, 135 days later, I've learned (a little) about being involved with the military and how to cope with being involved with the military. And instead of worshiping movie stars or rock stars or porn stars (for some of you!), I hope, like me, you learn to truly empathize and honor 1) those who serve our Country AND 2) their families. I have more respect for the wives of Soldiers who have babies, raise babies, work, maintain the house, AND live with that constant fear that their hubby might not ever make it back home.

They are heroes, too.

So in closing, while my Blog, "Army of One...Year," will share a plethora of opinions and feelings about the War, it will also include heart-felt quotes, songs, poems, and anecdotes that will help me continue to pass my time and express the loneliness, pain, love, and appreciation that I'm experiencing during my first, but certainly not last, deployment.

Until next time,
HOOAH

___

Hell. Maybe I haven't changed much at all. :)

The moral of this story is:

Deployments suck. Bottom line. Take 1. Take 2. Or Take 10. They suck.

But, the most important lesson today:

You may not have control over the stressors in you life, but you DO have control over how you respond to them.